Rob Perez

I just got some headphones and in the packaging was a little white paper packet, about the size of a large postage stamp, that says very clearly in all caps: DO NOT EAT. This is curious because I didn’t buy headphones because I was hungry.

Every so often, my phone buzzes — and it’s not a pal, not a loved one, not Ted from accounting asking if he can expense a banana. It’s a stranger.